The best advice for the patchwork family

The best advice for the patchwork family

If you are, or are about to be, part of a family together, you probably realize that there can be challenges. We have found the good advice to make everyday life and harmony run in your colorful, knit family.

The first step to a successful family

When you choose to move together as a large family, first and foremost there is one thing that needs to be put in place.
It’s about how you see yourself as a family and how you want to define yourself.
This is actually so important that it is necessary that you wear your velvet gloves and are 100% honest about your wishes – even if it may do a little nasal.

Several ways to be put together

When we talk about defining you as a family, it’s not just straightforward. Because how is a family together, and do you really agree on the form?

There is not just one way to live together.
Simply, you can distinguish between 2 ways you can establish yourself.
There is the form in which you merge completely as 2 families becoming one. In that way, you replicate the model you know from the nuclear family and the structure you know from it; one whole bunch.
Then there is also the way in which you view it more as a kind of family-community; You are 2 families living together in a community, but still with each of your domains and boundaries in relation to children and you as parents.

What works best is up to you, but it is incredibly important that you deal with this, as there may otherwise be misunderstandings, disappointments and challenges that only make things harder than they need to be.

Make sure you spend time together – and separately

In the service of the good cause, it may be tempting to think that now you have to do everything, in order to shake yourselves together. This is a good idea, a long way, but not all the way!
It is important that your children are allowed to have you alone. It may also be important for you to be allowed to be the parent of just your child, and enjoy his company without new children, to relate to, and take into account.

When you give yourself, and the children, this time, the chance of avoiding jealousy between the children is greater and you support that your children feel safe and secure in you, as parents. The children have a space where you are still just there for their sake, without having to share with new siblings and your new boyfriend.

Make a clear and concrete strategy for your wishes

How do you want your common relationships with your families and friends? Should your children be treated the same, or is it ok that the grandparents make a difference between the biological grandchildren and the new bonus grandchildren? Are the children able to understand that difference can be made?

Here it is important that you, as a couple, agree on a strategy and that you together make it quite concrete.
Report to your nearest one how you wish. No one can read thoughts and nobody does anything to hurt you, but it can be difficult for, for example, grandparents to navigate a whole new family they do not know.

Tell how you want their involvement with the children. Make your expectations and desires clear – it’s not about meeting your wishes, it’s about making it clear that these are the things you want and expect support for.

The ones around your family

If you are really lucky, then there are also a lot of families who are the ‘other’ parents of the children.
This may be out of your hands, but nevertheless fill very much. Do you experience support and cooperation from the other parents of the children? And how do you tackle making common rules in your new family and home if those rules are challenged by the second home?

The first start is to start yourself – invite you to cooperate and be yourself upstairs with profit and kindness – you reach far by setting the good example.

Be honest – in fact, please feel free to help and be kind – in the vast majority of cases. So when you honestly report to your ex with eg ‘this Christmas is difficult because…. And it would be a great help to you … ‘Then people listen. Don’t blame and demand, but ask for help and support. The fact that your new family works gives happy children, and usually if the insight hits, then all parents are interested in this for their children.

If you are the new bonus parent, it is constructive if you can make yourself reach out – grab the phone or visit and place the cards on the table of your new partner’s ex. Invite to a collaboration around the children and make sure that you also take the initiative to inform about the children’s lives with you.
Of course, this also requires an openness from the other edge, and of course you should try to read the situation and what is appropriate.


Ohh .. planning. Yes, a united family merges branches into many homes and lives, and holiday planning, Christmas, etc. can be a mouthful to coordinate. Suddenly, consider your boyfriend’s ex-wife’s ex-boyfriend and his plan

Previous 10 signs of crisis & grief in children after divorce
Next How to handle your child’s grief after the divorce

You might also like

Sorry, no posts were found.


No Comments Yet!

You can be first to comment this post!

Leave a Reply